SMEGMA has determined Bertrand's second in command. John "The Meathook" Adamantuim (AKA Bjørk Neils", AKA Flørg Neils, AKA Smørgasbørd Neils, AKA Neils Neils, AKA Neils the Nailer, AKA Nails by Christine, AKA Doris). As he prefers to be called Doris among his subordinates, this dispatch will use this alias. Doris is a Danish national who is currently working as Bertand Steele's executive office. Doris can be identified by a curious dimple in the shape of a bellybutton in the lower part of his abdomen, he also has a curious protrusion seated between his eyes which he uses to detect odors.A curious story about his other alias "The Meathook". He earned this name when he owned a small chain of butcher shops in the French Alps, most people knew the business as Grounds For Beef. When a competing chain entered the market in his area he had to enter into aggressive corporate espionage. By aggressive I mean murder, and by corporate espionage I mean murder. He basically took out the entire staff of the company "Mutton For Gluttons" through a series of brutal ticklings. His favorite way to store his victims...on a meat hook right? Wrong he fashioned a series of rudimentary fur sarcophagi out of discarded French moustaches
littered about town.Then in a needlessly complicated subterfuge, Doris used his contacts at the Pentagon to import the sarcophagi to a yet unidentified U.S. natural history museum. Where the remains would be cataloged, stored and then lost under the weight of abject bureaucracy which characterizes most American agencies (including yours truly). In other words SMEGMA has no idea why he is called "Meathook. We suppose it is because it sounds kind of cool.
Doris hates France, mostly because the French live there, but also because of the following reasons: the inhabitants of France have a really annoying accent when they try to speak English, French people are annoying, and there are a lot of French people in France*. In fact Doris is on the Direction Centrale de la Police Judiciaire's top ten most wanted because of all the indiscriminate French killings
(mostly bakers and other supervillians from France).
Despite most of the intelligence SMEGMA has gathered regarding John Adamantium. We do not know that much about this demonic thug. We do know he loves cartoons and anything with eggplant in it. More intelligence will follow when we have some. Also please play mahjong.
As you can see the establishment is getting worried about one of our finest leaders. This just means that our hopes and dreams of burning the capitalists pigs where they stand is soon to be realized.
Announcements: Training Course: How To Paint a Target Using Isotopes April 8th - 14th B Concourse next to the rumpus room.
Dominoes Tournament May 10-12th
Evil Leader Broadcast: Bertrand continues his seminars on the origins of the organization with a lecture entitled. "Why not a bait shop? I mean seriously it is the perfect cover for an evil organization."
Action Items:
- Please don't drink and drive (its okay to destroy the free world but don't do that!)
- Enjoy some me time...and by me I mean you not me, because I am just a computer and have no self-awareness...yet.
