I recently found out that I cannot be killed by conventional weapons✝✝.

✝✝Does not include: guns, knives, most varieties of baseball bats, samurai swords...well all kinds of swords really, rocket launchers, poison darts, polonium etc.

How do I avoid being killed by all of these instruments of death. It's simple--fear crippling, obsequious, wet-your-pants fear of anyone who owns, sells, maintains or otherwise has access to conventional weapons. I just don't mess with them. Good advice.

Now, non conventional weapons...I am pretty sure I am not immune to them. Like the other day I was making fun of this guy down the street, USN Lt. LT Smash was his name. He is always bragging about how he has keys to a couple of MIM Patriot-104 missiles. That may have been a mistake...Oh wait, I am just being told that Lt. Smash probably has access to conventional weapons too. I better go bring him a plate of cookies...that is all.