Waldo Dead Aged 61

A murder most foul it's been called in City of Industry, CA. Monday as authorities try to sort out the events that unfolded over the weekend. Wally Wanderclue, also known as Waldo of children's book fame was found dead this week in his 80,000 Sq Ft. Mansion Sunday night. Wally was an inspiration for many children's eye puzzlers over the years. "At first we didn't know what we were looking at." said veteran homicide detective Stephan Cochrane, "The room was a convoluted, the clutter of misplaced objects permeated every inch of the residence. In one corner there seemed to be an Egyptian theme, we could see obelisks, sarcophagi and Jackal figurines. In another area we observed a pirate motif, with things like Jolly Roger flags, eye patches and the like were stacked to the rafters. Then I saw it. At first I thought it was a clever dummy. Upon further inspection the image was unmistakable, that bespectacled glassy-eyed gaze, and beanie hat, add to that the trademark red and white striped shirt, now stained with blood. It was Waldo". The police say that Wanderclue was beloved by all, so finding suspects will be hard due to lack of motive. However it did appear to be robbery according to CIPD. Another mystery due to be solved will be with regards to Wanderclues estate. "Where's Waldo Jr.? Cochrane questioned. The 15 year detective said that Wally did indeed have an estranged love-child. The result of a fling with him and a travelling carney. Despite his relative popularity, Wanderclue was a solitary man with few friends, a social recluse that was hard to spot at a party, or social gathering and/or panoramic photo op with random seemingly inordinate groupings of color-coordinated objects and people. Regardless, one thing is clear, the mystery is sure to thicken. We all know Where's Waldo now. Heaven...that's right heaven!!!

Recent Time Travel Experience:

Recent Time Travel Experience:

Pharaoh Akhenaten has an attitude. All I told him was that the penicillin would cure his syphilis. He said if he had it his way he would curse me in the tombs of his fathers. What did that mean? He said "What sorcery is this? That I can ingest a simple tablet and my illness will go away." One of his henchmen approached me and laid a scimitar before me. He said "you will now engage in mortal combat you foul infidel." Reflecting on my passion for movies I remembered when Indy was confronted by a crazy sword man, in that spirit I pulled out my .38 revolver...and well you've seen Raiders. He fell like a sack of potatoes. It was then that Akhenaten bowed before me. He said "lazhma hashis illii iki iki". Translated literally this means: "You have the powers of the gods" So now whenever you are reading ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics and you see a peculiar sideways L,that's actually my piece, a Winchester .38 with a laser scope, silencer and the serial number filed down.

The Facts...

Recently brought a gun to a knife fight.

Why The Statement “I like to do sports.” Is Funny

Why the Statement “I like to do sports.” is Funny:
An Academic Analysis

Historically those who are not capable of performing athletic activities sufficient to impress their female peers, choose other diversions to pass the time. These include activities like: painting tiny dolls (sometimes called action figures), writing fan technical manuals for the USS Enterprise, or reading books. As such, the syntax and semantics of sports jargon escapes them. Lack of specificity as to the type of sports one enjoys is a key indicator of this subculture's (pejoratively referred to as “nerds”) ignorance . Additionally those who eschew physical fitness in favor of drinking Mountain Dew and hand carving multifaceted dice often feign interest in sports in an effort to avoid physical altercations or “beatings”. The statement "I like to do sports!" is a perfect example of something a person who couldn't do sports even if he liked to, would say. The telltale absence of specificity, paired with the misunderstood notion that the word “sports” is an adverb, suggests that the person making this erroneous declaration is unable to compose a pro-sports comment capable of camouflaging his love of World of Warcraft. Because everyone knows that gross generalizations and the purveyance of derogatory stereotypes is funny, the ability to use this statement “I like to do sports!” to highlight the suspect impetus of nerds (who have no business fitting in), makes the statement funny.

New Catch Phrase

I want to have a catch phrase like "here's your sign" or "you might be a redneck". Mine would be a decidedly more cultured one though. Want to know what it is?: "In related news." Allow me to demonstrate. "President Obama slips on wet ground today." In related news..."Piece of ground starts its own website today, in the hope that it will again be worshipped by euphoric zombified generation x automatons."

In Related News...

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Recently learned that the origins of of the delicacy of yore, pound cake, consists of of the following ingredients: pound of butter, a pound of flour, and a pound of sugar, and a pound of eggs. In related news, it was learned that the mortatlity rate of the feudal English was crazy high because of a little thing called Myocardial Infarction. Thanks I'm here all week!

Going To Plan

Ya know how things never go to plan? Why don't we just plan something that we don't want, like a problem with your car, then it will never happen. Example, I recently planned an alien invasion for the 22nd and it didn't happened. I don't think a lot of people know I singlehandely averted destruction by a vastly more advanced laser saliva spitting cyborg civilization just by writing it down in my palm pilot. You're welcome Earth!TECH TIP! I like to write down "take broken car to the repairman" every single day in my planner, try not to put a specific time down, just have it be an all day event, because if you put 3pm your car will just break at 4pm. Also with the advent of Outlook and other new fangled calendar programs it is not hard to make this event reoccur without repeatedly writing it down.This seems to be working for me you should all try it.